Question:
Hi
Don't know if this is all too familiar but I have lived with my fiance (have house and mortgage) for 3 years and we are getting married this Aug. As we need very little in the way of conventional wedding list things I wondered if we could set up a bank account that people could put into. The things we need are sofas, carpets, white goods etc or I thought we could use some of the money to do really special things on honeymoon like swim with dolphins etc. Is it possible to do this if so how and could people do it online? Has anyone tried it and how did the family and friends feel, I don't want to upset anyone but we need expensive things and I am sure with a bit of your help I could find the best deals and use the money really wisely. Am I a bad person?
Thanks
Answers:
This is a fantastic idea, and if people are offended by it they are the ones with the problem! Its much better than asking for a load of crud you dont need just because wedding lists are the 'dome thing'. Go for it!
Answers:
i think its a fantastic idea!!!!! people should be fine with it.
when we got married last may we also had many of the conventional things too and had money off of several people which we did once in a lifetime things with on our honeymoon,the memories we have of that are certainly worth a million times more than the 'token' gifts we would have recieved otherwise.
hope it turns out right for you.
Answers:
I think its a good idea too. My friend got married 2 years ago and had been living with her boyfriend for 5 years so they didn't need any traditional gifts.
Instead my friend put a little letter inside each invitation explaining this to people and asked for money instead. They put all the money together and it went towards a fab new kitchen. I dont think anyone was offended.
I have another friend who is getting married this year. Her boyfriend is from America so they are going back to live there. Presents aren't going to be pratical and she is so worried about offending people by asking for money. Even good old Argos vouchers aren't going to be any use!! Lol. I've spent ages trying to persuade her its ok to ask for money. She is still not convinced.
Answers:
Mmm personally if I was asked this question I would then donate to a cause that does need the money such as the gift an animal, tree etc or the new one that helps Mums2be.
I wouldn't be giving money to enable someone to enhance their holiday plans but if I thought someone really needed the money to improve their home then I would give a voucher.
On the other hand if I thought the people asking thought it was because I would be giving them "crud", I wouldn't be going to the wedding in the first place
Answers:
God really sorry to offend I don't doubt anyone's buying skills, it is just that we need expensive items such as a sofa etc and if we could put money together we would tell people what their money went towards and they could even see what they contributed to.
Answers:
Mmm personally if I was asked this question I would then donate to a cause that does need the money such as the gift an animal, tree etc or the new one that helps Mums2be.
I wouldn't be giving money to enable someone to enhance their holiday plans but if I thought someone really needed the money to improve their home then I would give a voucher.
On the other hand if I thought the people asking thought it was because I would be giving them "crud", I wouldn't be going to the wedding in the first place
I am with you on this. Traditionally gifts were given to help you set up the basics in a home (unless you were very posh ). If you have a home you don't need the gifts so just request their presence not their presents (cash or otherwise).
An increasing number of friends have had parties where they have put on the invite NO PRESENTS PLEASE adding that a collection box will be on the bar in aid of X charity or cause. Fab idea and boy do they go up in my estimation. ps Some of the parties have been free bars but I would never expect this.
Personally I am offended when the B&G ask for vouchers (never been asked for cash) and then gone and bought a widescreen TV with cinema system. I feel as though I am being asked to pay to go to the wedding.
Answers:
Wannabe
Back to your original post. It looks like from the responses, that if your invited family and friends are asked, that some of your guests will be happy with your request and some will find it offensive.
Personally if you really want the readies why not put a note in with invitation saying no gifts thank you as you already have a home etc. Close family though will probably still want to mark the occassion and will ask your mother/mil. Why not ask them to say "well we are just giving them money towards X". That way you are not asking for cash and if they want to stump up they can.
Answers:
I'm planning a wedding; my 2nd, his 1st. Wedding etiquette seems very firm that asking outright for money or even gifts is not correct.
I've noticed at Christmas and birthdays that, should I receive a voucher (through the post), and not immediately use it, I have a tool with which to obtain a gift for someone else later in the year. Like receiving an Argos voucher for Christmas, but using it to buy my neice and nephew their birthday presents in March? Not deliberately done, it just happens like that.
It's a personal decision, but frought with do's and don't's. Good luck.
Answers:
I don't think that asking people for money is very nice. Weddings are about love and commitment. Are you both working? I would be extremely put out if a couple that I knew were getting married and asked me for money. I struggle on a fairly low wage and the thought of giving money to people who have a joint or bigger income than myself sticks in my craw.
Absolutely no offence intended....just my opinion! I wish you both a lovely day!
Answers:
Pesonally i dont see the problem, if the account is anonymous then no-one need 'worry' about their contrabution.
Also i presume the card will say "if you feel you would like to buy or offer something" meaning you dont have to.
I would rather give £5 if that was all i could afford knowing it was going on something the couple require or will enjoy than buying them some useless tat that will be put straight in the garage/attic.
Answers:
We have been invited to a wedding later this year and when I received the wedding list I was surprised (and disgusted) to see things like a named car and a conservatory on it (they have been living together for the last couple of years). I know that we are not expected to contribute to these items (probably from family members) but even reading on down the list, as others have pointed out, the cheapest thing is about £100. People are just getting far too greedy, they want everything today and are not willing to work hard to earn some items.
On the other hand unless monetary gifts can be given anonymously I think that would also be very vulgar. Irrespective of what you think both families will have a read down to see who gave what - I know what mothers-in-law are like.
If you have everything I think cash gifts is the best idea but ONLY if they can be given anonymously. I would also prepare a wedding list of items for those that would prefer not to give cash.
Finally one other thing, be careful with some of the 'dolphin encounters'. Many of them are also known as 'dolphin prisons' where the animals are not happy ... the average tourist does not care. They get their quick swim with the dolphin (probably one of many performances a day), see a pool that, to them, looks big (but not to a dolphin) and thinks ..'hey great, what a nice picture'. I am not saying they are all bad, I have seen some that look excellent but have also seen some where it was obvious the dolphins were not happy ... do a bit of research first ... the worst I have seen (and heard about) have all been in the main tourist areas of Mexico.
Ivan
Answers:
cheapest gift on the last wedding list i was sent was a microwave, but they wanted a particular one from the shop named on the list, a cheap one from asda wasn't acceptable. this was for a friend from uni (about 5 years after graduation but we were all still in touch), so 18 of us clubbed together and bought it between us lol!
i don't think there's anything wrong in giving money anonymously but what would people put on the paying in slip where they have to give their name?
i've mentioned before that we politely asked for contributions towards the 'garden improvement fund' but some people gave small gifts instead, some people gave nothing at all and just turned up for the party if the request is well worded and in small print (so people can ignore it if they choose to) and everyone knows you're not a moneygrabbing witch then i don't see that there's any cause for offence. now wedding lists i really do think are rude and vulgar. just my personal opinion. my brother's getting married this year, i don't know if they'll have anything formal as regards requests, etc. but everyone knows them and loves them and will be happy to give them money if it's what they want.
Answers:
Ivan what posh friends you must have
Answers:
slightly different but my for my 40th a few weeks ago my friends were scratching there heads what to get me.. they didnt all want to get the same thing lol... one friend knew i was saving for a new chest freezer and condenser tumble dryer so thats what they got me .. they all clubed together with the help of others like family and i got exactly what i needed.. no one complained they all put in what they could afford and i also got a bottle of champange as well out of it..
Answers:
Ivan what posh friends you must have
The problem is that I just can not keep up with the Joneses ... or the Smiths, or the Wilsons, or the FitzWilliams ...................
Ivan
Answers:
I think it is a great idea. I am sure the money would come in more handy than some items on a list. At least then people could pay as little or as much as they wanted.
I am not a fan of gift lists.